Church music
June 3rd, 2006 Egghead
A few weeks ago, I went to a nearby church (not my usual one) where the director of music is a woman. She is very talented, and usually chooses music that is quite good. However, on this particular Sunday, I had real problems with the text of one of the songs she chose. The refrain of the song had the words, “I surrender to you,” – the words being directed toward God. My sense was that this was a woman’s erotic rape fantasy. After all, what man would be talking about “surrendering?”
We men have been taught our entire lives that surrender is a totally shameful act, and rightly so. What is associated with surrender? Cowardice. Cowards are despised, while the brave are praised. Aristotle taught that the virtue of bravery was midway between the vices of foolhardiness and cowardice. Winston Churchill’s most famous speech is the one in which he declares that England “will never surrender.” The United States had to drop two – not one, but two – atomic bombs on Japan in order to force them to surrender, so much did bushido – their code of honor – teach them the shamefulness of surrender.
After a lot of thought and reflection, a man might discern that in some instances, surrender can be an act of heroism rather than of cowardice. One could choose to surrender, not out of fear for oneself, but out of love and compassion for others. One could surrender in order to protect one’s children, for instance.
But notice what is common in both of these situations. One surrenders to an enemy. When this musician asked men to sing this song, she was asking us to regard God as an enemy. What a horrible thing to do.
A man would have to be as far advanced in the spiritual life as, say, John of the Cross, in order to be able to seriously use the language of surrender in the context of being in love with God. In the meantime, or even at that level, a man is far more likely to talk about self-giving, or of sharing the self. Not of surrendering.
I said earlier that the song reminded me of a woman’s rape fantasy. And so it does. Perhaps women find some sort of fulfillment in surrendering themselves to their lover. I wouldn’t know. But as a man, that puts me in the uncomfortable position of being a conquerer, or a ravisher, or a rapist. And to tell you the truth, that’s a bunch of bovine excrement. That is NOT my idea of love, or of sex. I do NOT have fantasies about raping women. I can think of nothing less erotic than the idea of mixing sex and violence. When I make love to a woman, or when I indulge in sexual fantasies, I fantasize about sharing myself with my lover, or about giving her an orgasm, or about pleasing her.
Churches often ask why men aren’t coming to church. Maybe they should ask why churches go out of their way to make men uncomfortable.